Weddings Weddings Everywhere

Photo by Jakob Owens on Unsplash

The Dilemma

Am I supposed to like going to other people’s weddings?  That’s a serious question, because I don’t particularly enjoy them overall.  To be upfront, though, I must preface the rest of this by saying I’m not very traditional in any sense.  I have properly celebrated my birthday as an adult only once, and that was with a fancy dinner. 

The holidays could come and go without a single care being given.  Marriage isn’t something I believe is always the best option for a lifelong couple.  Nor do I believe in any strict adherence to rituals.  Yet, I find it neither good nor bad that others do so, and do not judge anyone for believing in any of the sort.  Personally, I simply tend to find value in the non traditional in many cases.

Pardon the slight digression.  So say you do like going to weddings or even think you absolutely should go out of obligation if invited, how many is too many and in what timespan?  As you chew on what that number looks like to you, this may be a good chance to throw it out there; I’ve been invited to nine in less than a single year’s span.  

Not only am I invited to nine weddings within a year, but with two falling within a week of one another in two different cities.   Two of the nuptial celebrations require getting on a plane (one has passed- I attended).  Another is actually out of the country.  Thank goodness my passport is good for another few years!

Why I Weddings Aren’t My Jam: The Cons

SOCIAL ANXIETY: Clearly each of these marrying couples is uniquely significant to me.  Yet, the main reason weddings aren’t my favorite thing is my lack of gregariousness caused by social anxiety. 

Anxiety
Photo by Kasper Rasmussen on Unsplash

The vast majority of people who know me don’t know or possibly wouldn’t understand I suffer from social anxiety, because I mask it very well.  It’s bad enough my mom used to call me Howard Hughes when I was in high school before I understood social anxiety was a thing.  She was comparing not the size of my wallet to his, but my tendency towards reclusiveness, which was closely akin to his.

Why most people wouldn’t know I have social anxiety is because others have historically perceived me as “good with people.”  Another reason is because I have, over the years, forced myself to learn to mask it, and by proxy highly mitigate its effects on me.  For this reason I’m better functioning in social situations.  That doesn’t mean I don’t feel it, but I am able to better manage it.  Years ago I got into car sales to allow myself no choice but to interact with people in a sink or swim fashion.  If connections were made, so was money, and that helped tremendously.

Just the same, weddings by nature force interactions, with many of those interactions being among strangers.  The last wedding I went to I could count on one hand how many people I knew.  As it stands, most of the weddings will be similar.  Sharing platitudes with strangers, like what we all do for a living, whether we hail from the side of the bride or groom, or even more uncomfortable, if someone brings up religion or politics.  Because those are always great topics among strangers.

Another important note is gifts.  Do I get gifts for every wedding couple?  What is the budget I set for gifts?  That paired with everything else makes it feel like a lot.  It’s slightly overwhelming, to be honest.  While I love each of these people, I’d prefer not to get dressed up and hobnob with people whom I don’t know in the least intimate of settings, with little chance to spend time with the bride and groom.  

Photo by Wijdan Mq on Unsplash

To close, I really just don’t feel up to the task.  After losing my mom at the beginning of this year among other things, I’m simply trying to rediscover myself and my existence in general.  As a result, I want to spend more of my energy on me and becoming whole again. 

Oddly enough, I think the people with whom I have the strongest friendships will be more understanding, while those that aren’t as solid won’t be as understanding.  Sadly, while I hope not, I think there are going to be some upset people.  

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